I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
