do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
