U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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