he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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