I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
