it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
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