I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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