Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
