You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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