help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
