Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
