well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
