i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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