I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
