This dress was meant to end up on your floor
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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