There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
