the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
