He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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