K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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