He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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