cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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