my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
