Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think i have two assholes
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
