I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
