her vagine was all disorganized.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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