i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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