im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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