He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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