At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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