How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
