I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
