Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
