My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
