that's an acceptable place to lick
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
