HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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