and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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