My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm just crazy horny about you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I believe in your delicious
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
