Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
