Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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