Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
