Got a toothbrush?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
