The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
