I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
ttyl tear gas
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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