I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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