I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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