I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
