I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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