i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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