I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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