I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
