i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
