Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
