were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
