Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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