Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
