There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
