It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
