Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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