where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
