no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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