please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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