There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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