The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
