I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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