I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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