Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
