U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
