; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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